Hi my name is Moon. Everyone teases me about my name. Well they’ll be sorry when they find out about my power. I’ve had the power that I can draw a picture and it will become real or I will turn into it. Isn’t it amazing right. I’ve had it since I was a baby. Well actually I was born with that power.
“Moony Woony!” laughed everyone in the playground. I felt so embarrassed. Then I went and ran to the bathroom. I started crying. Then I herd the door open. “GO AWAY!” I shouted. “It’s ok Moon, it’s just us Wendy and Brooke.” said Wendy softly. “Ok I’m in the last toilet.” I said sadly. “Ok we’re coming in.” said Brooke. “Have you guys herd about the story that three friends will save the world from evil doers.” I said excitingly. “Yeah.” said Wendy and Brooke at the same time. “Well I think that's true.” “You do?” said Wendy surprised. “In the story did you hear that one of the friends had a power.” I said mysteriously. “Yes obviously.” said Brooke. “Well I have that power.” I said sternly. “Oh my gosh we are the three friends from the story!” screamed Wendy. “Yep that’s true.” I said.
The next day was a weekend. Wendy and Brooke met up at my house. We talked about how we will stop the bad guys. We figured out that we will need to get to the Sahara dessert because I had already figured out that their base is in the Sahara. “How about we use a helicopter.” suggested Wendy. “Nah they would see us coming.” I said. “How about a car.” asked Brooke. “Excuse me we live all the way in New Zealand on the other side of the world.” I said to Brooke. “Oh.” said Brooke felling stupid. “Wait we could combine those two ideas together to get a caricopter.” I said. “It is a car that has a button that when you press the button it will make a propeller come out of the top.” “Wow that is a great idea Moon.” said Wendy. “When we get there, we will go under ground and set bombs under their base. Then we leave and live happy lives without any evil stuff happening.” I said. “Well that is the best plan ever.” said Wendy. “Ok hop into the caricopter.” I said.
“Aaaaahhhhhh. We’re finally here. But it is really hot.” I said. “Obviously it’s hot we’re in the dessert!” shouted Wendy. “Guys. . . . . . . . . . . . . there’s some big black cars coming towards us.” whispered Brooke. “Oh no.” I said. “It’s the bad guys.”
To Be Continued
Golly, this is an exciting story. I love the premise of (the idea behind) your story. What a great super power! Endless opportunities. I can't wait to see what happens next. Talking of next... When you use speech marks, the full stop at the very end of someone's speech is the only full stop needed. Commas, question marks and exclamation marks are used (“Oh no.” I said. becomes "Oh no," I said.).
ReplyDeleteOh ok. Also I got it off of Pobble 365 I looked through all of it twice.
ReplyDeleteOMG Carys! (I mean Moon, as it was in your story.) That is a great piece of writing, and I loved it. I loved it because...You didn't make me the bad guy! (Just joking.) It is a unique and fantastic piece of writing, just check some of your vocab like it is spelt Heard, not herd. But it was great, I am definatley going to be back the secound part!
ReplyDeleteThanks Wendy.
ReplyDelete